I am someone who hates shopping. I can’t stand shopping malls; don’t like the push and shove of sales; abhor the bland uniformity of endless supermarket rows. The only form of shopping, which I can just about tolerate is online shopping. And I like to think that I am quite good at it. I can normally choose clothes remotely, which both fit and don’t look too monstrous; I buy books online; tech online. With that kind of track record, there should be no trouble buying food online. Should there?
Now as a bit of context for my story: I am soon to embark on a walk across England. Not the long bit from north to south. Not even the wide bit from Cornwall to Kent. Actually the most skinny bit: following the course of Hadrian’s Wall, starting in Bowness-on-Solway on the west coast and ending up in Tynemouth on the east. And so, by way of stocking up with some simple, day-to-day, energy-providing provisions for this trip, what better than that good, old-fashioned staple of every rambler since time immemorial, the Kendal Mint Cake.
Now, it is quite a long time since I have last eaten Kendal Mint Cake. In my memory, they were quite small bars. A couple of mouthfuls each; the kind of thing that could be easily stowed away in a coat pocket; a quick pint-sized sugar-rush. With this in mind, I decided to order a batch online; sufficient stock to last the duration of my walk.
My parcel arrived today. Before I even opened it, I knew there was a problem. The parcel was heavy, and I mean heavy. The kind of heavy that I don’t want to be weighed down by on a walking trip. When I opened the package, it was not the small bars of Kendal Mint Cake that I had been anticipating; instead whacking great slabs of the stuff––in two varieties: plain and chocolate-coated––weighing in at a combined weight of several kilos. I should have read the online description more closely. A 170g bar sounds quite light in the abstract but, in reality, it is hefty. A couple of bars would see me through for my entire trip. So, what am I to do with the remainder?
© E. C. Glendenny
E. C. Glendenny is on a Kendal Mint Cake sugar-rush.