It is a trend that has been happening for quite some time: footballers wearing holey socks.  The latest trio I have spotted to sport perforated stockings are Conor Gallagher, Axel Disasi and Noni Madueke, playing for Chelsea against Manchester City in the FA Cup Semi Final.

The reason for the desecration of their hosiery is widely documented: to relieve pressure on calf muscles caused by wearing restricting, unstretched socks, and so prevent cramping.  This explanation also makes me think that there might be an element of vanity at play here: holey socks suggestive of superior calf muscles?

I am left finding myself asking a question?  If this is a genuine, scientifically-proven hazard to footballers, why haven’t pre-holed socks been manufactured?  At the moment, it seems to be players themselves mutilating their own socks, judging from the randomness and raggedness of the holes on display.  And this begs another question.  When does this act of vandalism happen?  In the dressing room?  Are players turning up to games armed with a pair of crimping scissors?  Is this the new pre-match preparation?

Why hasn’t some entrepreneur noticed this gap in the sports clothing market?  The non-restricting holey sports sock.  It is a win-win.  Health-benefitting, making it easy to market; less-material requiring, making it cheaper to produce.  Kerching.

I’ll even give it a name: the Socok.  And a marketing slogan: the sock with more ‘o’s.

You heard it here first.

© Donnie Blake

Donnie Blake counts his imaginary royalties.

Check out Donnie Blake’s World Cup Detective series of fiction books on Amazon.