There is a real art in producing those little adverts that punctuate every break when watching a TV movie.  I’m not talking about the main adverts, but the short ads by the sponsors of the TV company.  They have a variety of names – bumpers, openers, enders, stings – but, call them what you will, they have to be a subtle combination of entertaining and anodyne, such that they bear frequent and repeated viewings.

Now, I rather like the Arnold Clark ones for Channel 4 Drama.  I give names to the two young women in their big 4WD – Wendy and Barbara – and invent additional stories about what they get up to after they have discovered their lost car keys and drunk their nice hot coffee, but that’s a whole other blog, all of its own.

And, I don’t mind the Hyundai ones, introducing Channel 4 Film.  I find myself obsessively repeating the word ‘Hyundai’ with a variety of different stresses on the pronunciation, often long after the actual movie has started.

But, I don’t like the Candy Crash sponsorship ads for ITVX’s Movies.  I find them confusing and irritating.  I am confused by the relationship between Crystal and Crusher.  I am irritated by the host of bizarre side-characters.

Ultimately, the Candy Crush ads are too busy.  They hand you 10 seconds of visual and mental stimulus on a plate, without you having to do any work for it.  Look at me.  What am I?  What does that mean?  I’m over here now.  What are you doing?  Manic laugh.  Weird bloke.

It is too much.  I am left with no space.  No time or energy to insert my own thoughts or personality into the scenario or, from a commercial perspective, into the product. 

Where I frequently drive off into the sunset in the back seat of Wendy and Barbara’s hired 4WD, looking forward to another good day of surfing tomorrow, I never once picture myself buying a drink at Crusher’s bar or flying aboard Crystal’s spaceship.

© Stephanie Snifter

Stephanie Snifter pronounces it ‘Hyundai’.