Another Christmas; another office Christmas party, and the all-too-familiar annual descent from awkward small talk to hybrid drinks to party games to karaoke to inappropriate hook-ups to faux fights, misuse of office equipment, make-ups and regrets, before carriages at midnight.  I usually try to leave during the awkward small talk phase but, sometimes, I stick around until the party games.

That is when I discovered that Secret Santa had been replaced by a transatlantic variant, Dirty Santa.

The old psychological mind-games of Secret Santa have been superseded by a fundamentally more brutal adaptation, where there is now the opportunity to ‘steal’ someone else’s gift.  This new game has substituted the devious subtlety of Secret Santa with a more directly cruel alternative.  Now young Jenny from Finance’s joy at unwrapping a box of Lindor Pistachio Truffles can be quickly transformed to bitter tears of despair when greedy Brian from Estates decides to ‘steal’ her gift from her.

Is this the spirit of Christmas?  Can you imagine if this system was in operation amongst the nation’s kids?  How do you explain to little Oliver that it is all well and good that Santa has climbed down the chimney and left him the Lego Ninjago Thunderfang Dragon set that he wanted, but it just so happens that his dad wants it more and is going to ‘steal’ it from him.  There would be mayhem.

Surely this is taking our ‘me first’ society a step too far?

Also, the rules of Dirty Santa seem open to interpretation––two steals per present; three steals per present; unlimited steals; first person to choose has another go at the end?  It is all too confusing.  Whereas Secret Santa is perfectly simple and straightforward, and everyone knows that if they receive a gift they don’t like, they just bring it back and give it to someone else for Secret Santa the following year.

On a personal note, I would like to see Dirty Santa banned because it costs me too much: I feel so sorry for my colleagues––like Jenny from Finance––who look crushed when their gifts are ‘stolen’ from them, that I end up going out after the Christmas party has finished and buying them replacements.

© Simon Turner-Tree

Simon Turner-Tree: the unexpected Ghost of Christmas Present.