Some people are scared of the dentist; other people have an aversion to visiting their doctor.  My pet phobia is the optician (although I actually don’t like the dentist or the doctor either).

I have worn glasses for as long as I can remember; ever since childhood measles destroyed the already slim chance of 20/20 vision I might ever have fostered having been the product of two short-sighted parents.

I know that I should get my eyes tested more often, but I stay away; shun the optician’s premises in the High Street; bin his frequent reminders that my next appointment is overdue.

The reason?  It is simple.  Who would ever put themselves forward for a test that they know they are going to fail?  I wouldn’t apply for a driving test if I couldn’t tell my brake from my accelerator; I wouldn’t take a GCSE in Mathematics if I couldn’t distinguish my Riemann Hypothesis from my Poincaré Conjecture; so why would I voluntarily put myself forward for an eye test, which I already know that I am going to dismally fail?

And it is not even as though I can revise or practise in order to get any better.  If I were doing a driving test, I could take lessons beforehand; if I were taking a GCSE in Mathematics, I could study a few textbooks.  But there is nothing that will help me improve my eye test.

I am forever doomed to failure.

© Simon Turner-Tree

Simon Turner-Tree can see perfectly well without new glasses.