The Election Small Print

It’s not every day that I receive a letter from an older gentleman––more’s the pity.  So, it comes as a pleasant surprise to receive a personalised letter addressed to me, which arrives out of the blue, from one Norman Powell.

beery sue letter

In his letter, Norman introduces himself as a veteran of the D-Day Landings.  By my quick reckoning that makes him a little too old even for me, but I read on interested, regardless.

Norman says that trust and integrity are crucial to him.  Me, too.  My Tinder profile is nothing if not a model of propriety and strict accuracy.  Trust and integrity: we seem well matched on that score, do Norman and I.

Norman then tells me that he cannot vote Conservative.

A little early in our relationship to touch on Politics, methinks?  I prefer not to get to the big questions until at least the second date.  And when Norman informs me that he struggles to get a doctor’s appointment, I begin to wonder if he might not prove to be more a burden than a blessing.  It is not the kind of sweet nothings I want to hear whispered on a first introduction.  Instinctively, my finger flexes for an imaginary swipe left.

But, I pause.  I don’t want to dismiss Norman quite so peremptorily.  After all, D-Day Veteran, and all that.  There must be more to him writing to me than purely the lonely solicitudes of one human being reaching out to another one.  My suspicious nature suspects that darker forces are at work somewhere.  Less Eros; more Dolos.  Forces that Norman is powerless to control.

At the very bottom of Norman’s letter there is a line of small print.  It is written in a font size so tiny that it must have initiated an automatic alert warning message when it was presented to its commercial printers; it is written in a font size so tiny that it is cynically unintelligible to the very demographic to which Norman’s letter is attempting to appeal.

beery sue letter magnifying glass

labour party

For those who do not possess such a powerful magnifying glass as me, and who cannot read it in the original, it says: “Promoted by Andy Smith on behalf of all Labour Party Candidates all at 1 Whitehall Estate, Flex Meadow, Harlow, Essex, CM19 5TP. Printed by Sterling Solutions, Sterling House, Kettering Venture Park, Kettering, NN15 6XU.”

Shame on you.  Shame on all of you.  You are all better than this.

© Beery Sue


Beery Sue is desperate to vote for Labour, but keeps being presented with reasons not to.


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