It’s all become a bit more serious.  Where I had accepted the invitation to participate in the COVID-19 Testing Research Study with the light-hearted acquiescence that one might associate with accepting an invitation to a summer garden party, the promised package that I had been told would follow once I accepted the invitation arrived with an air of clinical detachment and official authority.

There was nothing light-hearted about this; nothing light-hearted about the plain, white jiffy bag it arrived in; nothing light-hearted about any of its contents.  In my experience, anything labelled ‘biohazard’ tends to suck the fun out of any frippery.

There were fresh instructions, too.  An entire booklet of them.  I was beginning to wonder if the Mission I had embarked upon was going to prove impossible for this humble Agent after all.

It was suggested that I watch a video before proceeding.  The video featured a friendly-looking Dr Amir Khan outlining the procedure for performing the Coronavirus (COVID-19) Home Test.  It lasted 5 minutes and 10 seconds, and did not self-destruct at the end.  In fact, I watched it through again.  Dr Amir made everything appear quite straightforward.  Perhaps too straightforward?  It’s at this stage of any Mission Impossible that you know a curveball is about to be thrown.  I remained Alert to this possibility.  I was on message, if nothing else.

Closely following my instructions, I next checked that all the kit I required for my mission was present and correct.

Instructions booklet?  Check.
One sheet of barcode labels?  Check.
A sealed pack containing a swab and a plastic vial?  Check.
One biohazard bag and seal?  Check.
A return mailing box?  Check.
A security seal for the box?  Check.

It looked as though this thing was really happening.

I felt a sudden rush of adrenalin.  I was ready to get started; ready for action; it was now or never.  Except… actually, it is going to be tomorrow.

Before I can do anything else, I have to contact a courier company to arrange the collection of my completed test, and they can’t come until tomorrow.  Or maybe the day after.

So, I must wait.

Agent standing by.

© Simon Turner-Tree

Simon Turner-Tree is ready for action.