Avid followers of my writing––will you never learn; there is no such beast (Ed.)––may remember that a couple of years ago my garden was blighted by a nocturnal guest who didn’t adhere to the polite visitor’s adage: take only memories, leave only footprints.  Whatever was invading my territory was leaving behind something considerably more unpleasant than mere footprints.  However, it was a menace that I eventually remedied with the assistance of No Shit Shirley. 

But now the scourge is back, and poor old Shirley has been long since retired.  New measures are called for, and urgently, before my modest patch of lawn and shrubs is transformed into an open house for all the neighbourhood’s incontinent critters.

Thankfully help is at hand.  There’s a new scarecrow on the block.  Step forward, Cut the Crap Karen.

She is younger than her predecessor; more robust of stature; but does she have Shirley’s experience?

It is an inauspicious night to have to put in your first call of duty.  Storm Barra is forecast to sweep across most of the country, bringing gale force winds and plummeting temperatures.  It is not a night that I would chose to spend for myself in the garden.  But, I am confident that CTC Karen is a hardier individual.

I await the revelation of the morning to discover whether CTC Karen is made of the right stuff.

© Simon Turner-Tree

Simon Turner-Tree knows the responsibility of sending another troop into battle.